Finding Solitude

As a kid, did you ever desire to have a treehouse?

I wanted one so badly growing up. I would daydream about climbing up the steps, entering my own little private space where I could see the world, but not have to be part of it.

A sacred haven.

I never got that treehouse, so I settled for the little closet under the stairs inside our house (I was channeling Harry Potter before the books existed).

Deep down, I think kids understand themselves way more than adults do. Children know that they need a place for themselves to find seclusion and recharge.

Somewhere that holds their treasures and is private from prying eyes.

The image of a treehouse came up while I was doing a reading with someone and her spirit guides. The treehouse message was loud and clear: she needs to find solitude for herself. A private sanctuary within her home, away from everyone. A place of peace. 

She isn’t the only person that this solitude message has come up for recently. So, if you are reading this and recognizing yourself in this, it’s okay.

You aren’t alone. 

Why is solitude so important? Studies show that finding time to be alone can have benefits such as:

• Improved personal exploration
• Increased creativity (a study found when left with a lack of social stimulation, the brain ramps up its creative networks to help fill the void)
• More social energy (one study shows people who spend 11% of their time alone had fewer negative feelings in future demanding social experiences. Source )

I know what you’re thinking. “It’s so hard with a family or with my partner! I’m so busy! How do I find time to be alone, even if it seems impossible?” I promise, it’s not. Keep reading.

Ways to find solitude in your own life

First things first. Alone time doesn’t need to mean hours and hours. Got 10 minutes? Even that can be enough to help you recharge. Try to take more time if you can, like an hour or two, but that doesn’t have to be the norm.

Now that we got that out of the way, read on to figure out how to do it!

Find solitude in your home:

• Pick out a space in your home that could be used for a place of peace.
  • This could be a spare bedroom, your own room, your garden, a porch, etc.
  • If you are able, decorate this area with a few things of your own to make it cheerful. It doesn’t have to be used as only your space, but it is an intentional area that you use to get away.
• Set some boundaries with your family/roommates/partner, etc.
  • Communicate with them that you need a little time each day (or most days) to recharge and be alone.
  • Help them understand that you are at your best for them when you get this time to yourself. Encourage them to do the same.
• Create some sort of signal or expression to indicate to your loved ones in the moment that you are going into your peaceful place now and don’t want to be disturbed.
  • This could be a sign on the door, something you say, or an action you take. Try to communicate when you are going to find solitude, especially at first, so it doesn’t feel passive aggressive or your family members feel hurt.
  • For example, one of my friends has her “me time” when she works out. Her whole family knows when she puts on her exercise clothes that mom isn’t to be disturbed while she’s on her Peloton. 

If it’s hard to find space in the home:

• Get yourself some noise cancelling headphones!
  • These things are a game changer. If your house is always loud and you can’t get away from it, put these suckers on and crank up some white noise or peaceful music.
• Find a place of peace in the outdoors.
  • Something about breathing in the clean air, sitting under the trees, and being one with nature is a huge recharge and improves our mental health.
  • For example, when I lived in Colorado Springs, I would go to a certain spot at Stratton Open Space to be alone.  I intentionally never went there with anyone else so that it could just be “mine”.
• Do something by yourself, such as a run, walk, reading a book at a coffee shop, kayaking, or sitting on a beach.
  • Bring along your headphones to cancel out any people noise around you (be safe about it, though). 

Okay, so you found your solitude, what should you do?

Your alone time can be whatever you want it to be  – reading a book, working out, meditating, journaling, writing, creating art work, doing a hobby…. Sometimes even watching tv alone is okay (though I’m not entirely sure if you reap all the benefits listed in the beginning of this email).

What if you’re traveling with a group?

It is OKAY to get alone time when you are with others. Be sure to communicate with them that you are going to step away for a bit to recharge. For most of my life, I didn’t realize this was fine to do, and would get really irritable because I didn’t get my solitude! Do yourself (and everyone else) a favor  – take time away from the group to be alone for a few.

I’ve found that alone time is a chance to get into a creative flow, recharge, heal/process emotions, and be at peace with who I really am.

Imagine what having solitude can do for you, too!

P.S. : This information is a snippet of teachings about reducing anxiety and feeling more grounded in your life. You can learn these tactics in the Journey Back to Joy program.