Do people know you?

Do you feel like people know the true you?

By the true you, I mean:

• your desires
• your hobbies 
• your feelings
• your fears 
• your opinions 
• what you love
• what makes you laugh so hard you cry

If your answer is no, know that you’re not alone. Many people feel that their friends, family, and co-workers don’t know them well or at all. 

By many people, I mean 2 out of 3 of working adults say that they are lonely. If they feel lonely, they probably don’t have many people in their life that know their true personality.

You probably aren’t hiding yourself away on purpose. But the fact of the matter is, if people can’t get to know you, you can’t build close friendships with anyone.

Let’s do a deeper dive into why this could be happening, starting at the surface and then going into the subconscious level.

There could be a lot of reasons that you don’t let people see the real you. 

Surface-level reasons like: 

• concern of being rejected or judged 
• mistrust of others 
• feeling like you are “weird” 
• social anxiety
• you don’t feel like you fit in anywhere

So you might: 

• pretend to be a different person
• act like a people pleaser
• stay quiet about your opinions
• resort to small talk rather than vulnerable conversation
• decline invitations to social gatherings
• push people away when they start to get too close

Hey, no judgement if you see yourself in here. I was guilty of everything on this list and more. 

I thought for years that there was something wrong with my true personality, so I put on a mask and acted like I thought I was supposed to: being a people pleaser, keeping my thoughts/feelings to myself, and not letting anyone get too close. 

After losing friends, always being let down by people, and feeling insanely lonely, I finally realized that I was the common denominator in all of it and that I needed to heal some deep wounds within.

Wounds from past friendships that had pain, shame, guilt, heartbreak, betrayal, rejection, and loss. I’ll bet you have some of these, too. 

These past wounds prevent us from having good friendships now. They bring up fears that the same thing will happen to us again. 

Subconsciously, we feel:

• we can’t trust anyone 
• anger or resentment towards ourselves
• scared of being rejected again
• that our past has shown us that we aren’t worth loving

THIS is the root cause of why we don’t want to show our true selves to people.

Let go to bring in the good

When I finally realized I wasn’t showing my true self to the world, I got to work with healing. 

I decided it was time to love myself again and that others could – and would – love me, too, if I let them.

By using a process to overcome these obstacles and heal myself from these past hurts, I stepped into a new version of me. Sure, it isn’t all healed, but it’s a journey, right? 

By going through this process, I’ve been able to take off the mask I was hiding behind so long. I can be vulnerable with you here in these newsletters, forged some strong bonds with new friends, and created a community right here in Eagle County of women who support one another. 

If you had talked to me 5 years ago, I wouldn’t have dreamed that I could do any of these things.

If you’ve read this far, you could be ready to stop these self-sabotaging habits and stop feeling the shame, pain, and loneliness that comes from not having the relationships you want.

You are probably ready to start making the close, true friends that you desire in your life (and that want and need you, too). 

Amazing friends are out there for you, I promise. It’s up to you to meet them as the confident, loving, worthy person that you are.

On January 1, I’m launching a new program using the same process I used. It’s called Reclamation. It’s a chance for you to reclaim the life you want. Reclaim your voice, your personality, your happiness, and your friendships. 

When you are ready to step into this new version of you, send me a message or schedule a virtual chat with me to learn more about the program.

Will you choose to keep pushing the rock uphill, trying to figure out how to make friends as an adult? Or will you choose to get help to not only find the friends you desire, but also discover how to be a happier version of yourself along the way?

A question to think about

I’ll leave you with this question that I’ve been pondering lately. I was in a yoga class on Tuesday, and it popped into my head in a moment of stillness. 

Here it is:

“When did you first decide it was time to try to love yourself?”

My own answer to this question is about 8 years ago, when I started making choices to find happiness. But that also meant I had to finally face myself to heal the past.All the judgement, fears, guilt, shame, and buried emotions that were causing me to not love me for so long.

Every day since, I’ve had to choose over and over again to love myself. Some days it isn’t easy, but it’s always a choice. 

It’s a conscious effort that we all get to make every day – to choose to love, be kind to ourselves and reach for happiness.

So when did you decide it was time to love yourself? Is it today? Will it be tomorrow?