Working through Rock Bottom

I’ve been hearing from many people lately about depression, suicide, and financial struggles. 

While I must state clearly here that I am not a therapist, I’ve had many battles with these same troubles in my past and wanted to share a little of my story and some tools that have helped me along the way. 

My hope is that it will help you, if you’ve been working through this, to know you are not alone and give you a little faith that you can move forward through it, too.

As I mentioned in my blog last week, I’ve struggled through depression on and off since I was a teenager. What I didn’t tell you, though, was that I hit rock bottom twice in 2018 and 2019.

In fact, this is not a story I’ve shared widely until today. 

In 2018, in the wake of a brief relationship with a coworker, all my emotions came flooding out of me, and I couldn’t handle it. 

My breakdown stemmed from shame of my clingy behavior in that relationship, and the rejection from someone that I *thought* I knew…and had to still see every day at work. 

But my emotions were also rearing their heads because I had been stuffing down every single thing from my past, including the turmoil from other relationships. 

It was like a switch flipped and I couldn’t stop the messiness.

I felt broken.

For several months, I was so depressed and had lots of suicidal thoughts. I would often come home from work and lay sobbing on the ground, listening to Taylor Swift songs. I lost a ton of weight and other people noticed. 

This was the same time period that I went skydiving and for flights in a 4-seater plane with my friend, because I really didn’t care about myself at all. 

Nothing mattered anymore, least of all, if something happened to me.

I’m terrified of heights, but decided to go skydiving. I wanted something extreme that made me feel alive. And it didn’t matter at the time what might happen.

Looking back, this was all a blessing. Truly. 

I had to be torn down to nothing so that I could rebuild myself into something new. 

I found a therapist who I loved, I started kickboxing, and I got close with some new friends who liked to do fun activities. 

But the biggest change was how I found new hope and motivation in my life. I became a self-help and spiritual seeker, absorbing knowledge from books, podcasts, workbooks, and meditation groups. 

Things were getting easier and the clouds were lifting.

Of course, when I finally really started feeling okay again, something else happened.

In early fall 2019, I got up the courage to report my boss for sexually harassing me, which had been ongoing since I started that job in June of 2018. 

I always had tried to be the nice girl and avoided conflict, so I didn’t say anything and tried to ignore it. Inside, though, it had been eating away at me, but I didn’t know how to make it stop.

When I did get up the courage to say something finally, things got much worse at work. 

My boss was asked to leave, but then I started being treated badly by the other members of the team. Years later, I’m still sorting out my emotions and trying to heal from this situation. 

Worst of all, the treatment at work brought me right back into a space of deep depression. I felt rejected, unloved, unsupported, and unworthy. 

I lost most of my confidence and retreated from my friendships, too.

My friends took me out to a brewery event for my birthday, where they cheered me on smashing this car. My past emotions, including my rage, were still showing up!

For the next few months, I grasped at every tool in my disposal, just trying to keep my head above water. Some days, I felt like I couldn’t go on, but other days, I found a little strength within myself. 

In November, on a day I had that inner strength, I quit my job without a backup plan

It immediately felt like someone removed 300-pound boulders off my shoulders.  I could move forward again. The universe showed me I was supported, too, because a few freelance gigs landed in my lap. 

And then, 2 months later, the best thing happened.

A friend referred me to my dream job – working as the Membership Manager at the Colorado Springs Chamber and EDC. 

Months before, I had written down my vision for my next job – event planning, community focused and outward facing, having fun at work, etc etc. I didn’t know how to find a job like that, but I desired it. Lo and behold, the universe brought that exact position right to me.

Of course, the story doesn’t stop there, because I’m writing to you now as a full-time business owner. But for now, that is enough information to lead you into some tools that helped me through those dark times.

To see that list, click here!

As tough as going through all of it was, I know now that these hardships were crucial for my growth. Most importantly, by helping myself, I am now able to help others who need a listening ear or guidance to find more joy. 

If you are feeling like this, know you are not the first, and you are not alone.

it will get better, and you will get stronger. Think of it like a trampoline – you might have just hit the bottom, but you are on your way up, soon to be soaring.

If you have your own story to share, or if any of this helped you in any way, please send me a message. I had to reach down deep into my bravery today to write this, so do me a favor and be brave for me, too, so I know I didn’t just dump on everyone for no good reason 😊

  • Get REALLY excited about your life, sometimes without even leaving the house!
  • Go from “nothing to talk about” to “she has the BEST stories in the office!”
  • Most people will write out a Bucket List but never do anything about it. I’ll show you how to take action so fast, your neighbors will be wondering where you’ve been! 

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