Is this the right friend for you?

Let’s talk about how to identify if a friendship is right for you. 

Sometimes the truth is scary, and you may think you don’t want to know if you are hanging out with the wrong friends. But what if I told you that…

….by holding on to friends that aren’t a good fit, these relationships can sometimes be detrimental to your confidence, mental health, and even keep you from finding true happiness?

Does that change your mind?

If you are ready to find out the truth, as well as find gratitude for the friends around that build you up, help you feel safe and supported, and enjoy similar interests as you, keep reading!

One way to identify if a friend is a good fit is by observing their interactions with you.

Whether you are having a conversation with them, or you are just hanging out, here are 5 important questions to consider while you are around them:

  • Do they ask you questions about your life? Or do they only talk about themselves? 
  • Do they listen carefully? Or do they talk over your words and interrupt?
  • Do they respect you? Or do they dismiss your viewpoints and opinions? 
  • Do they speak kind words about others? Or do they gossip?
  • Do they lift you up and support you? Or do they judge you? 

Another way to identify if a friend is good for you is to pay attention to how you feel around them. Here are 5 more questions to consider around a friend:

  • Do you feel good about yourself and have positive feelings towards them?
  • Do you feel calm, or do you feel an icky anxiousness (like you’re walking on eggshells)?
  • Do you feel like time flies by, or that it drags on with them?
  • Do you feel like an equal, or do you feel inferior to them? 
  • Do you feel more energized with them, or do you feel drained?

As you ask yourself these ten questions, you’ll begin to notice a contrast between people who you really love being around, and those that might not be the right fit for you.

The hope is that most of your friends will leave you feeling positive and like your friendship is a priority to them. However, when we really reflect on our relationships, you probably will find a couple people who don’t make the cut.

Take the story below for example.

Have you ever had a friend that made you feel like you had to censor everything that came out of your mouth?

I had a friend like this once, and it was an eye-opening experience.

A couple years ago, I befriended this person (let’s call her Ingrid). We didn’t have a lot in common, but she was nice enough. We would hike and explore new places once in a while.

Early on in the friendship, I learned the hard way that she had plenty of “don’t go there” topics. When I would unknowingly cross this line with her, the conversations would take a turn for the worst. I always wished I had kept my thoughts and feelings to myself.

After that, every time we would hang out, I would agonize over these questions:

  • Is Ingrid going to get offended if I say this thing?
  • Will she be happy for me if I mention something exciting happening in my life?
  • Is it okay to ask her this question?

It was exhausting to censor every single word, so I found myself being silent more often. 

The unfortunate thing was, I began censoring my words in other relationships, too, because the friendship with Ingrid made me worried there was something wrong with me. My confidence took a huge hit.

Why continue a friendship with her? Like many people in these situations, I didn’t realize that this wasn’t a good friendship fit. 

It wasn’t until some soul-searching that I decided to figure out what was actually going on. Using the tool below to measure our friendship, I started paying attention to: 

  • the conversational flow
  • how time was spent together
  • how I felt during and after hangouts

With this information, I filled out the Friendship Measurement tool until I got a definitive understanding of the friendship as a whole.

This tool helped me to see this friendship with Ingrid in a new light. It showed that more bad feelings and negative interactions were surfacing than positive ones. Not to mention that almost every time we hung out, I would leave feeling drained and terrible about myself.

Honesty, authenticity, and being able to express yourself in a friendship is important. In hindsight, these things were not present in that relationship.

You can use this same tool, too, to help you figure out and decide if a friend is someone you want to keep in your life, or perhaps consider letting go.

Why does this Friend Measuring tool work?

Simply because it can be difficult to identify these things when you are in the thick of it – to really know how someone makes you feel, or if a relationship is even worth continuing. This tool helps you to see the visual of it all laid out in front of you.

You get to be honest with yourself about the relationship and see it for what it really is.

The hope is that by using the 10 Questions and the Friendship Measurement tool, you’ll be able to see your friendships more clearly. Some people you may let go, while others you will find extreme gratitude for the relationship you have with them. These are the people who lift you up and make you feel happy to be yourself.

  • Go from “alone and doing nothing” to having weekends that are jam-packed with festivals, hikes, taking classes, and backyard barbecues with good friends.
  • Discover interesting outlets for meeting people, even if it seems like there’s not much to do where you live.
  • Most people say they want good friends, but never do anything about it. I’ll show you how to take the actions up front to not only meet new people, but to find the RIGHT friends for you.

Get the Friendship Road Map

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