Have you ever felt like it is more difficult to have regular conversations if you spend a lot of time alone?
Christie and I were having this conversation the other day (see the video below) about why this can be so difficult. Read past the video to learn more about my story and how this happened.
Many of my old friends would probably laugh seeing this post. I was always quite a social butterfly and did not have a hard time making plans or getting out of the house. In former jobs, I was very good at building relationships and preferred to be anywhere but home.
However, in early 2022, I started doing freelance projects and spent most of my time at home working remotely. The longer I spent doing this remote work, the less time I was out having normal interactions with people. I started getting more and more paranoid about the limited interactions I was having, which made me want to venture out even less!
The saddest part was that I even had a free membership at a co-working space, but being by myself felt easier than working in public most days.
This was one the reasons I started on my Journey of Joy – I didn’t want to live like this anymore. I knew I had to get out of my comfort zone again and be intentional to meet new people and have new experiences. I started going to coffee shops, making meetups with friends more often, and utilizing my Joy Cheat Sheet to feel more confident in myself.
Fast forward to moving out to Eagle County in late 2023 and living far from civilization. (At least in Colorado Springs, I was very close to Downtown). I got in that same funk again of being at home working remotely all the time.
I started having these crazy mood swings and feeling like I was TRAPPED! I was putting myself out there in networking situations once in a while, but those felt so difficult and awkward. After a few weeks of this, my boyfriend had a heart to heart with me because I clearly wasn’t paying attention to the cues coming from my body and brain. His suggestion was obvious in hindsight, but at the time it was revolutionary. He suggested I find a job outside of the house just to get out into the world.
So after some dragging of feet and procrastination, I did let go of a couple freelance projects and set out to find a part-time job. I made a list of 3 places that sounded interesting to me (garden center, flower shop, bakery), then drove to each place and inquired. Lucky for me, the second place just lost their person and had an opening! It was all very quick and seemed like I was fated to find this particular gig.
So now I am working a very part-time job at a pastry shop. It is perfect, because I love food and cakes. Plus it is usually pretty laid back in there, with customers coming in frequently. I get to leave behind the stresses of my other projects, too, and just be present in the moment at the pastry shop.
Ever since then, interactions with others aren’t so strange anymore. I got back my social muscle, and am getting to chat with many people during the week. Conversations seem easy again. While I still do enjoy my time at home, I feel a much stronger pull to get out and be part of life.
Christie (in the video above) has had a major transition recently, too, with starting her life over in a brand new country! It’s more difficult to get a job right now and she’s doing some remote work and remote learning in the meantime. She’s having lots of new experiences, but her social muscle is not getting as much use as when she lived in Colorado, going to work in person on a daily basis.
If this is happening in your life, some things you can try are:
- Find a part time job (that’s fun to you)
- Start volunteering consistently (once a week)
- Join a club, service organization, or business leads group
- Work out of coffee shops or coworking spaces regularly
- Practice your social skills at networking events (once or twice a week)
The bottom line is that you need to get out more and meet new people consistently. Don’t hole yourself up at home because it feels easier. It’s bad for your wellbeing to be lonely. In fact, this article about the “Cost of Loneliness” states that people who report being lonely are twice as likely to have bad health. “Chronic loneliness triggers behavioural changes and kickstarts the immune system’s inflammation response. Chronic inflammation contributes to a range of diseases including Alzheimer’s, diabetes, cancer, arthritis and heart disease.”
Hopefully hearing our conversation in the video helps you if you’ve been feeling a bit more antisocial than usual. If you’d like help getting back on track to building your community up again or finding the missing joy in your life, check out the services page.
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